Child-trust
Promises to children must be perfect.
As I am not perfect I know this,
joining myself to my promise in hope
of being contained and containing
and never forgetting, never failing,
never poisoning the life
where this promise looms
a major event
in a mind that understands
the betrayal -
learns that this is
what they are worth.

Looking up, along pants and dresses to arms,

up to chests and the lips explaining,

never apologizing or never meaning it

because I know, for me down here

you don't need to mean it.

Feeling smaller now than I felt

before your words expanded me.

And now back to the dullness of a day

that no longer contains that-which-you-gave

but instead contains taking-back-away.

I look at your hips straight on and think

yes, this is how you are

yes, I will remember this

yes, this is how it is.

I still look at hips when people talk-meaning-nothing
staring at the bones that do not push through the skin
looking for some shape that is not melting
in a body that reshapes constantly.
They think I am not meeting their eyes.
Instead I am trying to find one anchor point
so I don't turn to salt.

lja/9-13-95



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